


Flipside

by PiscesDragon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, F/M, Friendship, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Rejection, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-12 23:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20572610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiscesDragon/pseuds/PiscesDragon
Summary: He fell in love with his best friend.But his best friend didn’t want him.





	Flipside

**Author's Note:**

> This was written a few months ago when I first started writing again, as a way for me to try to make sense of Season 8. And the ONLY way S8 makes sense at all is if Keith isn't gay.
> 
> I know. Say WHAT?! The ONE thing the entire VLD fandom can agree on is Keith is not a heterosexual male. But as a writing experiment, I had to just pretend for a minute...
> 
> I've been sitting on this for a while, and it's probably late for Sheith Angst Week anyway, but it's time to just post and get it out of my WIP file already.
> 
> No betas were harmed in the making of this fic, so please forgive any errors! :D

Rejection was hard.

Harder when you had never actually been rejected before and had no frame of reference for how to deal with it.

Harder still when you had spent the last five years in space fighting for your life (or possibly more than five years — space/time dilation got messy) and you hadn’t had time to address those feelings, but you were pretty sure they had been developing and building over that entire time.

Even worse, when it was your best friend in the entire universe rejecting you.

But rejection was basically impossible to deal with when you had been dead and floating in the astral plane — then had your consciousness stuffed back into your clone’s body by magic. 

Needless to say, Shiro was having a difficult time dealing with his current situation.

What the hell had he been thinking?

He hadn’t been. He knew that now. The close quarters and constant contact they were forced into while crammed into the Black Lion on the very long trip back to Earth had affected his brain. That had to be it. The limbic system of this body was malfunctioning. Or maybe during the fight with Keith, he’d taken one too many blows to the head and his prefrontal cortex was out of order. Whatever the case, he hadn’t been able to control the impulsive urge to try to kiss his best friend.

Shiro put his face in his hand, suddenly really missing his other because trying to pull out his hair with only one seemed much less effective at the moment.

What the hell had he done? To make matters worse, for all the clone’s fuzzy memories he had been sifting through, he now had a current one seared into his memory bank that his traitorous brain wouldn’t let him forget. Instead it kept running on a loop through his mind, while Shiro beat himself up for being such an idiot.

*****

They were in the Black Lion, floating along in space at what felt like a snail’s pace. He and Keith were alone for once, since Krolia had taken Kosmo to visit with Romelle and Allura in the Blue Lion for a while. They were finding it was good to switch things up with passengers from time to time, especially when they hadn’t been able to land anywhere for a few days. They all needed a break from each other from time to time.

Except Shiro. He was sure he could spend an eternity with Keith and never feel the need to get away. He hoped that he wasn’t annoying Keith. He assumed that his friend would tell him if he was - Keith was nothing if not bluntly honest most of the time.

For whatever reason, Shiro decided it was a good opportunity for them to talk and clear the air. There was so much he wanted to say to Keith, but it had never been the right time before. Now for once they were alone, and time was something they seemed to have an endless supply of.

“Can we talk? For a bit?” he asked Keith as he approached the cockpit, glancing out into the endless black through the windows. “It seems like we haven’t had a chance to really do that in a long time.”

Shiro leaned over around the pilot’s chair, finding and activating the switch on the lion’s console to mute their conversation from the rest of the team. They would still be able to hear any incoming communication, just in case there was trouble, but it ensured whatever was said between them would be kept private. The last thing Shiro wanted for this discussion was an audience.

“Sure,” Keith said, standing and coming around his chair to face him. One eyebrow quirked up as Shiro muted the lion’s comms, but he was otherwise relaxed as he leaned against the back of his chair with his arms folded in front of him. Even after everything they had been through - everything Shiro had done to him - Keith still trusted him completely. Warmth flooded Shiro at that thought. “What’s on your mind?”

“We haven’t ever really talked… about what happened. With the.... clone,” Shiro said, looking sadly at the scar that now marred Keith’s face. He stood a little away from Keith to give him space, leaning against the side of the cockpit.

“Shiro, there’s nothing to talk about. It wasn’t you — not really,” Keith said, midnight eyes shining at him with affection. “It’s fine. It’s over. You’re here now, and whole. That’s all that matters.”

“I remember…” Shiro said. “I remember what you said. When we were fighting. Right before…”

He trailed off, not wanting to describe the moment Keith had hacked off his arm. He figured they both remembered that part, a little too well.

“Oh, yeah?” Keith stared at him, mouth quirked in a small half smile. “Well, it’s true you know.”

Shiro’s heart swelled in his chest. It was really real then. He didn’t have to be afraid to tell Keith how he felt — what he had known with complete certainty from the moment he woke up in this body. Perhaps even before that, and he just hadn’t realized it. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out toward Keith, grabbing his right shoulder with his palm and pulling him in to hold him. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since they’d hugged like this. But it was different this time, not their usual style, since with only one arm there was nothing between them. Keith wrapped both of his arms around Shiro’s waist and settled his hands on his back. It was heaven in that moment, being held in Keith’s strong embrace.

“I love you, too,” Shiro said softly, his breath ruffling the soft, inky hair that brushed up against his face. He leaned back slightly, keeping his arm wrapped around Keith’s back. Shiro slowly slid his hand up to wrap gently around the back of Keith’s neck, his thumb barely stroking at the soft skin, as he looked down into wide violet eyes. Shiro didn’t think he had ever wanted anything more than he wanted this man. His gaze flickered to Keith’s lips, just inches away. He moved forward slightly, wanting desperately to close the gap but not wanting to push, hoping that Keith would meet him in the middle.

“_Woah _, woah,” Keith said quietly, leaning away rapidly and pushing at Shiro’s hips to put some space between them. When the hands stayed planted on each side of his waist, Shiro allowed himself for a very brief moment to believe it was a good sign. 

His hope didn’t last long. “Shiro. I’m really… flattered? But that’s not… That’s not what I meant… When I said that.”

Of the myriad ways Shiro had been hurt before, he didn’t remember ever getting shot. He imagined this was very similar, though. Sharp stabbing pain in his chest, followed by shock. His stomach rolling with nausea and head swimming a little, causing him to feel unsteady. He jumped back, out of Keith’s reach, immediately missing the warmth of hands on his sides.

“I’m so sorry,” Shiro said, unable to look Keith in the eye. “I didn’t… I’m sorry!”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Keith said, hands dropping slightly but still held up in the universal gesture of a white flag. His voice was quiet and soothing, the same voice Shiro heard him use often when he was trying to calm down an over-excited Kosmo.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro repeated in a voice just above a whisper. He didn’t know what else to do, how to erase the last few minutes of his life to prevent the damage he had caused. He couldn’t believe he had read everything so _ wrong _. 

“Shiro,” Keith said sternly, stepping toward him and leaning down to put himself in Shiro’s line of sight. “Look at me. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. _ I’m _ sorry.”

“No, you don’t —”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. You are my brother — my family — the only one I really had for a long time. I wish I could be what you want, because that would be great,” Keith explained, and Shiro really wished he didn’t have to see the pity in his eyes. “You’re my best friend and I love you, but I’m not… I don’t swing that way.”

Ah, hell. Shiro had REALLY misread the room. Accepting your best friend’s sexuality and being a part of it are two very different things, which he really should have thought about and considered ten minutes ago. Shiro had never been so embarrassed in his life. He had so many life experiences, so many things that he had been through, but he was suddenly forced to realize that rejection wasn’t one of them. 

Shiro had never had to put himself out there — people had always come to him. He had turned down a number of people back in his cadet days. Mostly girls at first, at least until he had gone on some dates with a couple of guys and word got around. Adam was really the only person who had made Shiro work for it. Looking back, having to chase him a little was probably a lot of the appeal, at least in the beginning. Shiro did always like a challenge — and Adam was a great strategist. 

The ache and disappointment hit him again as he looked into the amethyst eyes he adored. He had no idea what to say to make this less awkward, and it must have shown on his face, because Keith took pity on him.

“If I _was _into guys, there’s no way I would turn you down,” Keith said with a smile, trying very hard to make Shiro feel better. Instead it just made Shiro wish he could develop the superpower of turning someone gay. He wondered for a moment if that was possible. Maybe Keith didn’t really know what he liked. They had been busy fighting in space for a few years, and it’s not like there had been much time to have a personal life or explore options…

“Don’t feel bad, Shiro. You’re not the first man to hit on me, and apparently that’s a common mistake if the Blades are any indication. According to Axca, it’s because I’m so ‘pretty’,” Keith’s use of finger air quotes and his determined frown made it clear he was not on board with being referred to in those terms. Shiro figured this was probably not the best time to point out it was a very accurate description. “At first she was worried that maybe I had a thing for you —”

“Axca?” Shiro knew his mouth was hanging open, but at this point he couldn’t help it. He suddenly felt like everything he thought he knew about the world was wrong.

“Yeah, we…” Keith blushed, a pretty pink with a purple tone, and Shiro wanted to smack himself for noticing. “It’s kind of… new? I’m not really sure it’s even a thing. We spent a lot of time together while we were waiting for the lions to recharge, before she went off on her own. We’ve actually got a lot in common.”

“Axca,” Shiro said again. He’d seen how she had looked at Keith, when they were all marooned after escaping from being captured by Zethrid and Ezor. Shiro couldn’t really blame her. Keith was beautiful and amazing — and he had saved Axca, apparently a few different times now. He knew better than anyone how it felt to have that kind of attention and care from Keith, and how seeing that side of him made it so easy to lose your heart. Shiro hadn’t really been surprised to see that Axca showed an interest in Keith, but he hadn’t noticed that it was reciprocated. Maybe he just hadn’t wanted to see it.

“She’s pretty great,” Keith said, looking away with a wistful grin on his face that Shiro had never seen from him before. He watched his chance of tempting Keith to the gay side evaporate in the air like a puff of smoke.

“I REALLY wish you would have said something,” Shiro sighed. Keith was being extremely understanding about the whole situation, and he knew that he wouldn’t hold it against him, but Shiro still wanted to dissolve from embarrassment. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell me you had — gotten involved — with someone.”

“It’s not really…” Keith trailed off. If Shiro’s insides had not been churning from nerves, despair, and the complete wreckage of his emotional stability, it would have been almost cute how young and shy Keith looked at that moment. “I told you, I don’t really know what’s going on. I like her, she likes me. We… well, you don’t want to hear about that.”

Based on the shade of mauve his face suddenly turned at whatever it was Keith was thinking about, Shiro was positive that no, he didn’t want to hear about whatever THAT was. But Keith was talking to him about something personal, and he had completely sidestepped and moved past the fact that Shiro had tried to kiss him like it never even happened. He had the best friend in the universe. For that reason, Shiro dug deep, scooped up the apocalypse of emotions in his brain, and buried them down in a corner where hopefully he could keep them from crawling back out into the daylight ever again.

“I’m glad,” Shiro said, and he meant it. Regardless of anything else, above all he wanted Keith to be happy. That was really what mattered, and he would do whatever he could to make sure that happened. Watching him talk about Axca, she had obviously managed to bring a light into Keith’s eyes that wasn’t there before. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve everything, Keith.”

“So do you,” Keith said, giving him a soft look. “You’re going to find your happiness, Shiro. Have you thought about what it’s going to be like to get home? I wonder how Adam is doing. It’s been so long…”

Before today Shiro hadn’t thought about Adam in years. First because it was too painful, being away in space on the Kerberos mission, and knowing that when he got back Adam probably wouldn’t forgive him. Then as the Champion, Shiro couldn’t afford to think about anyone else — day-to-day survival was all that mattered. When he’d briefly gotten back to Earth, his brain had been so scrambled and everything happened so quickly that Shiro didn’t even have time to consider his ex-boyfriend. He’d barely gotten home before they were rocketing back into space in the Blue Lion. He didn’t even know if Adam had been told that he was still alive. 

Things had been so crazy and dangerous. And then there had been Keith. Saving him, over and over again. The one constant light that he could always count on. He had wanted so much for that light to shine on him — had really believed it was possible. 

But that was not going to happen now.

“How many Earth years have we been gone now?” Shiro asked with a frown. “Adam is probably married with a family by now.”

“You never know,” Keith replied quickly. “Maybe you guys will be able to pick up where you left off. You were good together. And things are different now.”

Yes, things _ were _ a lot different now. Shiro couldn’t even imagine getting back together with Adam. Mostly because he had moved on a long time ago and fallen for his best friend somewhere in the process.

And now he was going to have to find a way to get over it.

*****

This was not hitting on some guy at a bar and getting turned down. Unfortunately, Shiro’s feelings wouldn’t just evaporate because he had no chance. He loved Keith. He was _in love_ with Keith. And now he was trapped in the relatively small quarters of the Black Lion with said unrequited love and his mother.

He didn’t want to hurt Keith or make things between them worse, but Shiro REALLY needed to get out of that lion. He needed some space. Badly. He couldn’t take one more day of being forced to look at everything he wanted but couldn’t have. Every waking minute of the day, Keith was there. Even if Shiro hid away in the part of the hold where they were sleeping, he could still hear his voice carrying through the air from the cockpit. 

Sleeping was even worse. If Shiro wasn’t having a horrible nightmare, Keith was the person starring in his dreams. They had been fairly tame so far, but Shiro lived in fear of how his body might betray him while he couldn't consciously control it. If he accidentally moaned Keith’s name in his sleep, Shiro was pretty sure he might just fling himself out of the Black Lion’s mouth without a suit and into the crushing hands of death.

Of course, with his luck Keith would just save him again, and there would be no escaping the awkwardness.

“I think I’m going to start riding in Green with Pidge,” Shiro said about a movement later, when his control in dealing with their proximity finally snapped. Krolia had left to go back to the Blades, and without another person to act as a distraction Shiro was finding it difficult to focus on anything other than Keith. 

It was a very unhealthy pastime.

To his credit, Keith continued on as if nothing had ever happened between them, which Shiro was eternally grateful for. His friend had not been affected at all by the interaction, and after considering it later, Shiro realized it was naïve of him to think Keith had never been approached by other people. Given how attractive he was, Keith was most likely well practiced at turning people down, probably even as far back as their Garrison days. It made Shiro even more curious about how much of his best friend’s private life he didn’t know about. He almost wished Keith was more like Lance — had he been prone to oversharing about his exploits, Shiro might have avoided his present heartbreak altogether.

“Why do you want to move to Green?” Keith asked. Shiro could do nothing but give him a pained expression in response. There was no reason to discuss it again. Keith’s expression fell. “I’m sorry, Shiro. I’m making you uncomfortable, and you shouldn’t have to be.”

Oh, this man. He really was trying to kill him, Shiro thought. Always taking everything on himself, making Shiro and his feelings a priority even when they shouldn’t be. He could _not_ let Keith feel guilty about this. His desire to avoid any bodily closeness was overpowered by his ingrained need to make Keith feel better about himself. He approached his friend carefully and placed his hand on Keith’s shoulder, still standing as far away as possible to maintain distance. He missed being able to pull his best friend into a hug without his emotions bubbling to the surface. He felt like an exposed wire whenever he touched Keith now. He needed to get away, to heal, in order to get back to where they were before.

“This is not your fault,” Shiro said slowly, looking Keith right in the eye. “It’s me. I’ll be fine — WE will be fine. I just need some… space.”

He grimaced and moved away, looking for something to focus on, anything to avoid Keith’s violet eyes.

“Well, luckily we’ve got nothing but _ space _at the moment,” Keith said with forced cheerfulness and a wry smile, obviously trying to make light of the situation.

Shiro smiled and looked up. “I thought I was in charge of the bad jokes on this team?”

Keith gave him a very serious look in reply. His eyes were soft. “You’re my best friend, Shiro.”

“I know,” Shiro said, and he knew his feelings were written all over his face but for once he didn’t care. “You’re mine, too. Always.”

“Ok,” Keith said quietly. “I’ll let Pidge know.”

He turned and headed toward the cockpit and left Shiro to pack his meager belongings.

Hopefully with some physical distance and time to himself, Shiro could work through things and squash every non-platonic feeling for Keith he’d ever had.

He would. He _ had _ to. Keith was still the most important person in his life, and he wouldn’t lose him over this. Compartmentalizing his feelings to focus on the mission and the battles they had ahead of them was standard practice at this point anyway. 

He could do this.

It was for the best.

**Author's Note:**

> It's ok to admit you hated it. Nobody buys Keith/Axca. This is probably one of less than 5 fics that even have that tag :D
> 
> But you have to admit, Shiro's behavior in S8 makes more sense if this was a behind-the-scenes view. Was this really what the producers had in mind??


End file.
